I had always been aware of the word narcissist but only learned its true meaning and all that it entailed a couple months ago when my boss got upset and started yelling because someone had made a mistake. This was followed by a long talk about his accomplishments and how he wished everyone would be ‘perfect’ like him.
Every time one of these episodes occurred the same thought would cross my mind: I hate this crazy person and I need to quit my job right now. However, I am one to think that number one, hate is a strong word and feeling that I have decided to never practice, and number two, quitting my job without a plan is not very feasible or reasonable when you have responsibilities and bills to pay. My response was always to get stressed out for a couple hours or longer and then get back to normal. But that morning I did something different. I went on YouTube and typed: “how to handle my boss”. I watched several videos, but one really stood out because it contained the word narcissist in capital letters.
I hesitated to watch the video at first since I did not think the word narcissist applied to my boss. Upon watching it, the concept was still not very clear hence my decision to investigate further about narcissism traits. This led me to find an amazing book:
“How to handle a narcissist” by Theresa Jackson, MSc.
While reading the book, I started learning about the most common traits and discovered that narcissism is in fact a syndrome. I was astonished when the book started describing my boss and his narcissist behavior. I simply could not believe it.
As stated by the author, narcissism is a personality disorder in which people feel a deep need for attention and high sense of admiration and importance. There are also many degrees to it. In fact, we all have a little narcissism in ourselves, as we need it to build and maintain a healthy level of self-esteem. But excessive levels of narcissism lead to the disorder itself. Narcissists usually show a sense of superiority and entitlement, some exhibit this publicly while others hide it under a “false exterior of modesty”¹. They are defensive and always want to look good, which is why is so common for them to spend time praising all their accomplishments in life. They exaggerate their career and personal life, lose their temper very easily, perceive most people as incompetent, and are unlikely to realize the damage their behaviors cause in others.
If you are dealing with a narcissist my number one piece of advice, and the books’, is to get away, if you can of course. The best thing for your mental health and sanity is to distance yourself from this person. I have not been able to accomplish this yet because I am still looking for a job, however, I have learned how to respond to the narcissist actions so that they do not have a negative impact in my life. But getting away is the answer!!
Keep in mind that contradicting the narcissist and making them see the person they truly are, although it can be appealing, is almost an impossible task and one that I do not recommend. The narcissist first needs to be able to assimilate and accept they have a problem to then start changing their behaviors otherwise your efforts in trying to change the person will be in vain.
Always avoid conflict with them because you will be the one suffering the consequences. I have learned not to let my boss ruin my day whenever he gets upset for the slightest thing and to maintain calm while he goes 30 minutes praising his success and stating the company would otherwise fail if it wasn’t for him. Take control of your emotions and do not let the narcissist in your life manipulate you or change the course of your day.
Another advice offered by the book but that I cannot follow one hundred percent is to admire and listen to them. Whenever my boss starts bragging about himself, I do listen, because what else can I do, right? However, admiring words for him do not leave my mouth because then the praising would be going on for hours. In the same way, try to never show signs of weaknesses because they will take note of it and use it to manipulate your later on.
If there is a narcissist in your life, it is time to take control. Understanding their narcissistic supply and teaching yourself to be strong before them while controlling your emotions is the key. Do not let the narcissist behaviors negatively impact your day or your life and start developing an exit plan!
[1] Jackson, T. (2017). How to Handle a Narcissist: Understanding and Dealing with a Range of Narcissistic Personalities. Busy Bee Media.
